I have been struggling with an eating disorder ever since I can remember. I have always been conscious about my weight. It became really bad when I moved in with my father (parents divorced) at the age of fourteen. I acquired three step sisters, two of which were much smaller then me. It almost immediately became a competition for them. They would call me fat all the time (mind you i was 5'5" and about 120lbs at the time.) This sparked something in me. I became more obsessed than I ever had been with my weight and size. I began restricting like no other and exercising till I passed out. I never was happy with the number on the scale though. I managed, after I moved out on my own, to control (for the most part) the part of me that said dont eat that your a fat pig! Four years later, after having my daughter I feel the need again to control every aspect of my body. Im disgusted with myself. Currently I weigh 158lbs (I think) three and a half months post partum. All that comes to my mind is 100lbs and how fast I can get there. I crave perfection. So this is where I begin, the continuation of my journey. Its not what I want, but I cant control whats going on in my head. So heres the breakdown...
CW: 158 ish
GW1: 150
GW2: 140
GW3: 130
GW4: 120
GW5: 110
UGW: 100
I will get to my goal by any means necessary!
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